The Neverending Story

I wish I knew what I wanted to write, but I feel a huge need to do so.

In this moment I can feel nothing but some sort of faint sadness, also depressing. I feel not like myself, I feel unproductive and lazy. I don't have the motivation that I need to move around and get things done. I'm missing that passion that drove me to get things done last week... though I don't know if I accomplished that much. Writing in here has been a very good outlet.

I find myself scared for my future. I don't know what I want to do with my life. I find myself sitting on many opportunities, and I don't know why. I want to branch out and try new things, but I feel like I'm stuck in one place.. and it's all my fault. I don't even know if I want to go to grad school anymore nor what type of career I want. I'm worried about my studies this semester since I'm lacking my spring time push... and that worries me that I won't make dean's list for this semester.

Your personal aims, ambitions, and interests meet with unexpected obstacles at this time. Doors that you have been hoping would open are closing instead. The frustrations and obstacles can be deep enough to make you consider abandoning a pursuit, or at least make very critical changes in your approach. Finances are tight now, others express little interest and enthusiasm for your ideas, and you have to be very resourceful. You may reach a kind of identity crisis as you question the value of your deepest ambitions. You may decide that you cannot get what you want out of life, but you would be foolish to give up completely on the things that you love! There are lessons to be learned and changes that are needed, but abandoning what you love due to obstacles alone is not a good enough reason. You must find more effective ways to reach your goals, cut out waste and excess, and more sincerely express your interests. Success in things of importance requires dedication and belief in oneself even when the going gets rough

Maybe if given the chance and opportunity I should travel around the world for a while... I don't know how I would do that.. but it seems like something worth trying. It could actually be good for me. Daniel would make a great travel partner.
I find myself missing him a lot this morning... but I'm not sure how his presence would help me. I need to focus on what needs to be done, I need to find my drive and use it at full power.

I don't know... I think I need a prayer.

There are so many other things that I need to talk about and need to get out. This transformation is going to be endless.