Borderline

Wow it's been 2 whole months and 6 days since I've posted anything in this journal, let alone write down anything that I've been feeling inside my head. Sometimes I avoid looking at this journal because it depresses me and scares me to know how sad, depressed and angry I have been and maybe I still am.

I feel like I'm losing people that once were prominent figures in my life like my mom and best friends, and then sometimes I think maybe it's meant to be since half the time I don't feel connected to them anymore and secretly criticize our differences. I don't know if I should panic or not. I don't know if I'm isolating myself more than I should and then one day I'll find myself completely alone and dependent on Daniel.

Things with Daniel have been pretty amazing. Yes we fight, but after sitting through what is usually a 2 -3 hour discussion over an issue we tend to come out stronger than before. I enjoy the long weekend we get to spend with each other at his place even though I sometimes fear that I'll wear out my welcome. I mean what family what's their son's girlfriend in their house all the time. I don't know. When we went to leave his mom blew me a kiss, one that I couldn't return because I don't think I'm at that level of comfort yet, and because I was shocked by it. Maybe they don't mind... maybe everyone's family isn't secretly like mine.

I can barely stay in the same room with my mother anymore, cuz it seems like she does nothing but annoy, criticize and nag at me. We're both dating and I generally feel like I'm the more mature female in the house. When we got into a fight about how I met her boyfriend( who she raved about, and then only told me he was coming over 20 minutes before he got here.) She decided that she could do whatever she wants cuz she pays bills ( and she's right) and thought that I was being like my father in picking a fight and ran upstairs and locked herself in her room. I don't think I'm going to bother anymore. I'm not going to be turned into a victimizer because she doesn't feel able enough to have a discuss with me without throwing her "power" around or simply yelling like a teenager.

Sometimes I need to be held.

I also saw a psychic a few weeks ago, apparently I'm going to live till I'm 87 years old.. I'm going to have a long and solid marriage, with 2 kids and in a career in helping people. She said I'd be lucky in some areas, but not in all. Hopefully I won't be broke.