Mini Thoughts... or thoughties

I took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test! "Longs for a tender and sympathetic bond and for a ..." Click here to read the rest of the results.

Tomorrow's going to be a long day... not looking forward to it. Can't wait till my internship is through so I can finally sleep late on Mondays, Wednesdays & Fridays. The Oscars are enjoyable this year, very chill and funny. Too bad I'm about to pass out as always... right on my couch.

Acting on Impulse & Intuition

Sometimes its a good thing to follow impulse and intuition. Intuition is a gift imparted to all of us, but so few of us use it. On a whim I called my father, just because I felt like it, and ended up having a good conversation. In the past our relationship has been strained for various reasons that go back a very long time, but it's time to let that all go. Recently he had a pretty bad health scare, that scared me as well. My parents are getting older, and their mortality is now more visible to me. What if I had lost him? Having the relationship that we have right now, it would've destroyed me emotionally.

So with more effort I want to build a better relationship with both my parents. I know it won't be perfect, we don't always see eye to eye on many things, but I can try to be a better daughter. More loving, patient and accepting. While at the same time being independent and knowing when to turn off the advice channel that is constantly streaming, and just follow my own path.
I have no reason to be envious of other children's relationships with their parents and family members when I can simply build on my own.

Though I must work out my feelings about my eldest brother and his situation. I can't cry every time I think about him. So when will I be ready to see him again, and will I be well received.

There are many things to work on getting... including my license, and my first real job.
Just have to do it, no? Step by step.

Namaste!

A new resolution

Consider it a late resolution to myself. I decided yesterday that I was going to take a more active role in my life and in myself. As of late I've been feeling sort of disconnected to a lot of the things that were going on around me. I felt like I was just riding waves, and not necessary catching them so to speak. I'd find myself drifting off in some of my favorite classes, and definitely zoning out deliberately in some of my least favorite ones. I've found myself giving in to negative feelings and emotions, feeling internally childish and selfish, at times even jealous.

I've panicked at least twice in this past month, due to smothering emotions. I've found myself not speaking my mind, and literally silencing myself in moments where I've wanted to ask a question, gain more knowledge or share some insight, because I didn't want to feel like I was demanding attention. Such unusual changes in myself. None of which I've enjoyed, but instead simply endured. But now I'm telling myself quite firmly to stop. I'm going to make a conscious effort to change these things.

I've decided to:

• Blog in here more frequently. Daily would be ideal. It would be nice to document the ins and outs of day once more. It's nice to look back and see the progress, the changes and moments in my life.
• Do body scans and guided yoga more often, again daily would be ideal
• Get back into yoga, at least a few times a week
• To let myself be, I can have thoughts, even if I don't agree with them. Flow with them and see where there lead instead of trying to block their progression because they scare me.
• To get rid of my fear
• To actively construct my future
• To Enjoy Life More: do the things that bring me pleasure without regret or judgement!

Namaste!