Insecurities

Not sure why I'm up right now. I think I just went through another series of dreams that were probably of great meaning, but naturally I can't remember them. So now it's 5:12am on the first day of a brand new month. I should check my calendar to see what's coming up in my life. What papers are due and all that jazz.

So to kill time this morning, I started looking into astrology once more for some answers about these transit that are happening in my life. Nothing new seems to be popping up, so I may resort to buying a book that has greater detail.

One of my worries during this time is that I'll become a person that is unbearable to be around. That I'll be moody, possessive and jealous, traits that I've never thought myself to have. I feel it now when I speak to my S.O., pangs of worry and insecurity despite all his reassuring. Deep down I fear that something or someone will intervene that will destroy it. After experiencing something this nice, only to have it taken away would be unbearable and heartbreaking. I hope my behavior is not a contributing cause to it deteriorating. I don't want to be the possessive girlfriend who lets her fear of losing her S.O. push both him and the relationship away. I can only rely on our present honesty with each other, his current amazingness and understanding, as well my ability to be brave and divulge my fears. I don't want my constant fear to become a reality. He may feel that he's better off finding someone who isn't so broken up inside. More than anything I want to know that we'll make it through this and live to tell about it.

I wish he was here right now, just so I could feel his stable energy. Long distance communication makes me antsy, or not as comforted as holding him while he speaks

Don't leave without a fight.