When did our sexuality not become our own, but that of those who oppress us. When did I trade in my classy sensuality for slutiness? Why is it that young women of color today feel that they have to gyrate, hump the floor, thrust in each others faces, hump each other in order to be considered sexy? Does that make us in control of our sexuality? The fact that we can flaunt it as a joke? Is it really a joke? What are we telling young men who look at us? That's it's okay to call me a slut, a ho, or a bitch? That it's okay to tell me to shake for a dollar, or that you and your boys can get off on it, and laugh at me at the same time? If we feel that we can make another man ( or woman) want us for our bodies, does that make us feel desirable? Are we trading in our integrity in order to be considered part of the in crowd? And if we don't, we're to be considered prude and outdated?
It's okay for me to show off my thong. I'm in control of my sexuality. Right?
Why did thongs become so fashionable? Who said it would be cool to walk around with a piece of fabric in your ass? Is it really that comfortable? Does it allow your vagina to breathe any better? Is there any known benefit of thongs, except for the absence of panty lines? To look good to the outside world, to the men and women who are staring at your ass. Cuz their opinions matter the most. Panty lines are the worst thing in the entire world. Don't dare show your face if you have a panty line on your ass.
I was so mad tonight with Katia's dance. I thought to myself as I watched another girl hump another, and then thrust in the girls face, that this was a porno shoot. Why did we think at any point that this was cool? I don't believe that I'm ashamed of my sexual self. I'm happy with my sex life, and usually happy with my body, I'm not afraid of my body, but I do not think that I should have to sell that part of myself for entertainment. There's a classy way to be sexy and share that part with your peers, and then there's the over the top ridiculous way, that says:
" Treat me like the sex object you think me to be"
Why would any woman think that is cool? Are we so inundated with the media's idea of a sexy woman, that we can't tell where that image ends and where we begin? Let me shake my ass next to this new car, next to this guy who is calling me a ho who likes to suck his marvelous dick.
Yep. That is real sexy.
The problem is, that I don't think this would've bothered me too much last year. Maybe not at all. I would've laughed it off as being funny. Now I can't. I respect myself and my sex life too much. I respect my boyfriend too much. I respect the time and effort we make into having a beautiful sex life. What we share, while not pristine and angelic, is sacred in its own way. It belongs to us. That part of me doesn't need to be shared with an audience of strangers. I don't need anybody else to want me for my body.
Fuck.
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