Awaiting...

So this is my third summer of unemployment. Thankfully I'm actually doing something with my time as I go to summer classes, it's a big step up from being bored to tears and absolutely broke. It's amazing how much life changes from moment to moment. I have such high expectations for myself that I think my only worry should be disappointing myself. After spending so much time in situations that I loathe I don't think I'll allow myself any other way of living. I won't allow myself to be miserable in the future.

I can feel another transformation brewing under my skin. As I let myself go and fall into disrepair once more, my soul is calling for another revival and cleaning. Even if it's the little things like appearance. But there's another big one coming up and I can feel it. Sometimes I feel like screaming I can feel it right in my chest. I wish I knew what to do to make it a smooth as possible... or to just make it happen faster, but I probably can't rush this, just like every other major event in my life.

I'm starting to feel a bit more comfortable in my own skin and starting to feel less envy and jealousy around other beautiful people. I'm starting to feel beautiful in my own way, it's hard to believe sometimes, but as Daniel tells me all the time, and even random people on the street... I am attractive without having to be anybody but myself, without having to imitate a certain look or act a certain way. And that's meaningful as well as empowering. Little by little, Step by step.

I forgot why I made this post, I don't know what's on my mind anymore. I guess knowing all the changes I have to make in order to be satisfied. Enjoying every lovely moment with Daniel as we continue to grow, figuring out my relationships with friends and creating new ones, finding my niche in life and not being afraid to pursue it.

Drop the idea of becoming someone, because you are already a masterpiece. You cannot be improved. You have only to come to it, know it, to realize it.

Osho

I can't wait until the fall, I think things will start falling into place then when I'll have so much to do and so much to prove to myself.