Starting Fresh and Aiming High

A new year.

2007... What will you bring, and how much control and say do I have in what happens?
I know I have all the say in what happens to me this year. And I think this is the first time in my life that I've felt that way. Like I am the sole determinant in what happens to me. I know that in the past I've felt like I was constantly at the mercy of whatever outside forces. My parents, family, school, weather...there was something always more powerful, more important than me that decided what happened to me.

I know that that's not true. But there is some fear that comes along with that liberating truth. I am my own person, my own responsibility. I control what happens to me... so therefore I can blame no one but myself for my decisions and outcomes. The trick is learning how to view my decision making power and power to create positive and fruitful outcomes. Instead of this apprehension that somehow it will not work out. I can get a good paying job, I can create a new life and family with my significant other, I can pay bills on time and not be in debt for the rest of my life, I can go to grad school, further my education and my career as well. I can dabble in as many things as I want because they give me pleasure. I can give willingly and generously to the ones I love because I can and I want to. I don't have to lead a life of struggle, because I have people who care for me and will give guidance when I seek it, and I will make the best decisions in order to reap the best results.

There are things that make me happy. Daniel, and our relationship. It's many ups and profound yet inspiring downs has changed us both in so many crazy ways it's sometimes scary to think about it. It's scary to think that we're both so young, yet have our minds set on a future for us. Always wondering if that's normal... but maybe getting to the point where it's normal for us, and that's all that truly matters. And going to therapy... lol an odd but loving couple are we.

Finding internal peace... learning how to live and let live. Learning from the mistakes of others. Learning how to not be afraid of making my own mistakes. Knowing that I am powerful... powerful enough to create my own happy and amazing life. I can be whoever I want to be, and I have no reason to fear myself.

"Abundance has many occasions."